Oh, hello, there! You look like I know you from Part I of this post? If not (a) your face is awfully familiar to someone else and (b) you might want to go there. It would make the experience of reading what follows here moreâŠcoherent? Enjoyable?
More like the author intended, anyway. For those of you whose reading skills have already been tested in part I, this is â unsurprisingly â the sequel to your adventure, called: Part II
POINT FOUR: The Bigger Picture
The above elaborations on Bleed also tie into a greater narrative within the LARP-Campaign: Part of what Explorers playfully learn, and what the Researcher experientially âknowsâ from engaging with SWP, is expressed by the thesisâ main statement. As directly quoted from SWP, their oft-repeated contention that â[w]e are all humanâ unites Explorers, SWP and Researchers in an experiential in-group. The commonality of humanness is narratively, empirically and conceptually linked with the Human rolesâ openness (and vulnerability) to experiencing emotional âBleedâ beyond control or foresight. When SWP invoke their belonging to the Humans, they do so in contexts in which their humanness is seemingly denied or cannot be enacted, because of the ways in which civilian âmembers of the communityâ that SWP make safe and belong to interact with them. In encounters with non-SWP, officers feel prohibited from âtak[ing] breaksâ or âeat[ing] somethingâ, because civilians voice âunrealistic demandsâ âask[ing] [SWP] to be everything for them: solicitor, mental health nurse, best friend, first aider, counsellor and policeâ. Such demands go along with SWP claiming to have to âtreat every tiny little problem [civilians have] as if it was the most important thing in the worldâ without acknowledgment of the officersâ having responded to âfive calls in a row without a breakâ.
Confronted with such expectations in their professional performances, SWP perceive a lack of âempathyâ from âthe communityâ with its official safe-makers, i.e. civilians fail to take on the officersâ perspective. That is, despite the fact that the SWP express and repeatedly emphasise their care for the community, and their sense of belonging â as part of a bigger common in-group, in which a diversity of roles persists. The identification with âhumansâ whom the SWP serve as safe-makers sometimes comes to the fore in descriptions how, despite the purportedly protective layer of the uniform to guard them, SWP are âaffectedâ by what happens (âIâm a mother, too, you know? (âŠ) [Thatâs why] it gets to me, when kids are involved.â). Other times, SWP suggest that, despite the need to empathise with community-members to understand othersâ wishes and needs to be (made feel) safe, empathy can also mean that â[I]tâs difficult to seeâŠwhen people are upset.â: SWP might âfeel alongâ and empathise at an emotional level, whilst their professional role means that officers ââŠcanât just stand there and cry with them: You have to be professional.â
What these examples serve to highlight is that, irrespective of oneâs discrete (professional) role, Humans (1) can relate to each otherâs experience (emotionally) because their shared experiential background allows them to take on each otherâs perspective and empathise. Moreover, the world of Humans consists of characters who perform different roles in different Campaigns. Those might come to the fore because of a common human emotionality, alongside the unpredictability of lived situations, when (2) emotions Bleed into performances that would otherwise be performed differently (âprofessionallyâ etc.). Such Bleed, if unmanaged or unmanageable, can interfere with Humansâ capacity to keep performing.
On an ethical level, I therefore instrumentalise Bleed to highlight that emotional affectedness is part of every encounter amongst and as Humans who are, as SWP put it, âvulnerable in [their] own ways.â From a Researcherâs perspective, such vulnerability could be understood as âopennessâ or âexposureâ to encounters (and subsequent transformations) beyond the control of affected bodies (c.f. Harrison, 2008). This matches how SWP invoke that their humanness comprises a skill-set of e.g. âempathyâ and âcareâ with which they âreally listenâ and âtruly engageâ with those they seek to âmake (feel) safeâ: SWP remain âopenâ to be affected by whatever interactions with others confront them and ask of them. In those engagements, SWP try and understand the respective otherâs specific situational needs and wishes â but they might get it wrong.
For SWP, being/acting human thus also implies an element â a vulnerability â to âmak[ing] mistakes and learn[ing] from themâ. The SWPâs Learning, like SE stipulates, thus relies on embodied encounters with Others as part of what officers callâ real workâ, i.e. engaging with the people. The officersâ critical openness to respond to the specific needs of others in specific situations would, for a Researcher with analytical goggles on, translate into an ethical responsibility that plays out throughout their professional performance (see also: Butler, 2001). SWP deliberately make themselves âvulnerableâ to being affected by other peopleâs emotional needs and experience, by relating to community-members via empathy and a shared in-group reference (being human).
Working with a Researcherâs conceptual toolkit, I flag up a double-standard perceived from my specific position in the LARP-character-network: SWP âuseâ the idea of âbeing humanâ to do their job well and act as âhumanâ officers, belonging to a human community. As one community, they would arguably expect respectful interactions and eye-level encounters with those who are aligned with them; who are âlikeâ them. From the ethnographic place-making alongside SWP, however, it emerges that SWP do not feel that they belong all the time: Their policing might expose them to unsafe experience; disrespectful encounters; lack of empathy and care in the performances of community-members. Instead of engaging with SWP officers as individual humans â with a face; with situationally arising needs and wishes â civilians (arguably) perceived only âthe uniformâ as a generic signifier of âthe policeâ (see also Howarth, 2001). As a stand-out costume, the uniform would make the SWP not a member of their community of belonging, but instead an Other that was associated with e.g. brutal U.S. or âContinentalâ police âforcesâ. This perception and associated behaviours would deny SWP the status as âone of themâ. As such, civilians would not try and empathise with âthe Otherâ in the uniform, but purely demand receiving the safe-making âservicesâ for which the Otherâs role arguably stands (incl. smiles and taking Selfies). In the officersâ words: People do not allow them to be âhumanâ, and (more in a Researcherâs way of putting it) they do not align with SWP emotionally to enable SWP to âfeel safeâ and part of a caring community of belonging (c.f. Ahmed, 2004).
If one was to âreally listenâ, the SWPâs contention that âWe are all humanâ and âvulnerable in our own waysâ might also shape oneâs perception about the world and oneâs place therein in another way: The SWP include âthe Researcherâ into their in-group of belonging. This manifested in how I was âprotectedâ as someone potentially vulnerable according to police parameters. My civilian status classified me as âone of the communityâ, without the official safe-maker responsibilities or essential âskillsâ to âdeal with itâ and âmake people [incl. myself] safeâ. Consequently, within the framework of someone who was (temporarily, i.e. whilst on patrol with SWP) not able to take care of her own freedom from harm, SWP made sure to take me home or safeguard my bodily integrity by rendering me easily visible to them (via high-vis vests) to get their help if needed.
Conversely, as part of the human in-group, I am also responsible to guarantee the SWPâs freedom from harm; be there to âhelpâ (if needed or able to) and protect them from possible adverse effects of engaging with me in research. Becoming ethnographic place-makers in the LARP also renders SWP vulnerable to different kinds of imaginable futures, after all. Harm-aversion being one of the key principles of ethical (empirical, primary) research âwith humansâ meant that my research design took care of data protection, informed consent etc. â all the Researcher-rituals required before an ethnographer launches into a Research-quest. And to âhelpâ SWP, as much as I can, I also debriefed participants after the Research and sought out their opinions on what to do with all the data and âKnowingâ we produced. (cliff-hanger â tbc!)
When SWP speak of being human, and using their skillsâŠand sometimes getting it wrong, I saw another parallel between their professional work and mine as a Researcher: In empirical inductive research missions, I also choose to make decisions on âinstinctâ â or rather: There may be a dearth of guidelines that fit in a given situation that leaves no other option but to (interactively) improvise in emerging contexts. Moreover, parallels between SWP and Researchers also apply to codes of conducts and rituals that need to be performed to pass. The LARP-framework, with Humans as a proto-professional group that unites characters performing different roles, I can make thesis-points about some of those elements that extend beyond âtelling the SWP storyâ: Apart from the âtransparencyâ-paradigm and the paperwork that unite Researchersâ and SWPâs responsibilities, I use the analogy between characters to raise awareness to emotional Bleed as one element in professional work pursuits that requires community â/ and self-care structures to be (put) in place. Else, we might lose the epic battle of Humans vs. Robots by having professional tribes turn into Robots as they fail to act like Humans and be recognised as suchâŠor opt out of the LARP altogether.
POINT FIVE: Being âTransparentâ
The above concerns primarily the Bleed-out side of the argument I make about SWP and professional stress that is exacerbated by restrictive ideas about how to be a (good) professional. Bleed-in, however, also finds its place in the thesis-LARP: As Researchers are bound by the transparency-principle, I am using the LARP-frame to make very evident how my other roles âBleed inâ to how I perform as a Researcher. I introduce my âout-of-character voiceâ (by playing with a different fonds and italics) to point out that writing a LARP-thesis is an improvisation that still falls within the tolerable range of action for Researchers (on a PhD mission?): To âpassâ and claim a place amongst the PhD cohort, I have to âwrite a thesisâ (gain Extra credits for doing it in three years, but we wary of losing Life Points), but the âHow?â (rather than the âwhy, why, why?â, unfortunately) leaves room for âpersonalityâ to shine through.
Thus, my creative writer personality is allowed to inspire my in-alibi moves, and the ultimate âtrialâ I stand â i.e. whether or not I pass for a Researcher amongst my cohort â is the challenge of getting through the viva. Passing that is something I did accomplish, because I still went through the relevant rituals associated with becoming a PhD according to the internal rules (writing methods and theory chapters, albeit mine take more âpoeticâ forms; ethics approval for the research design etc.).
The write-up in a creative way feels more âtransparentâ; more âhonestâ to and about myself, as I do not perceive myself to be a very conceptual Researcher. According to LARP-logic, moreover, a character âisâ what a character âdoesâ (which neatly echoes some key premises of more-than-representational theory, too) â and I want to be perceived as a playful, experimental and accessible âtypeâ of the Researcher tribe. By being very upfront about this, and linking the writing style to the content of my thesis, I am also able to make a larger âpointâ or poke into a possible future scenario: I suggest, in my thesis and herewith, that âwe are all humanâ and should thus be supported by those âlike usâ, in our shared in-group. In addition to that, as group members, we need to define who we are by âstanding outâ (c.f. Howarth, 2001) â by making original contributions to the body of academic research, yes. But perhaps also by redefining the boundaries of that which is âOKâ for a PhD thesis; by re-sculpting that which we hand over as a token to our Elders when seeking acceptance amongst the ranks of Researchers.
POINT SIX: A Little More About The  BLEED
On the above point, one might argue that the creative writing role did not âBleedâ into my Researcher-activity, but that I chose to âlet it outâ or âbring it inâ. I want to say that this is true, but partially moderate the claim: Returning to the previous ideas about âBleedâ, LARP-research teaches that emotionally challenging, high stress âplayâ environments make it likely that an in-game persona âglitchesâ and performs in ways that betray outside personality traits (which, as you recall, threatens their acceptance as properly performing representatives of their tribes). This happens as characters resort to âwho they areâ (i.e. âwhat they doâ) when they are not paying attention to their âtypicalâ alibiâs ways. Relatedly, (managed) Bleed-in can manifest a reaffirmation of who one âisâ outside the play; outside the professional codes of conduct and responsibilities one has to perform. Another protective way of keeping the outside persona protected is, as Bowman (2015) argues, to reinforce oneâs alibi if one seeks to disaffiliate what oneâs character does or has to do:
 âI am not a roll, I am just playing a roll, that is why I am acting like a roll.â
SWP do this when stating that they âhave toâ do paperwork or engage in other parts of their professional job-performance that they do not âpersonallyâ identify with, as they fall outside of what SWP frame as âreal workâ. (Essentially everything but âengaging with the communityâ). This protects their sense of self outside the play-environment, i.e. theoretically allows LARPers not to feel impacted as a person by what they did (had to do) in a Campaign. The implication of oneâs outside identification in-game, conversely, can also highlight and reassure a player that they can still deviate from what they have to do, and thus (re-)generate e.g. a sense of being âhumanâ despite all of the strict and stringent provisions of what it means to perform professionally (e.g. without showing oneâs real emotions, or without disclosing too much personality in oneâs professional conduct).
This detour serves to make the point that, maybe, I âhad toâ show that I am also a creative writer, because it felt like being âonlyâ a âprofessional Researcherâ was too oppressive; too delimitating for me to feel as though I was recognised as an individual Human, who had a discrete place amongst fellow Humans in this shared LARP-verse. And maybe tight role-guidelines stressed me so much, that the Beed-in was almost inevitable, lest I should have stopped playing my part as a PhD candidate altogether. Which, in all due transparency, crossed my mind several times throughout the quest.
Following from that, I would violate ethical rules of mutual care and harm aversion, if I didnât leave Explorers enough room to deal with their own affectedness and the negative Bleed effects by managing how (much of) their out-of-alibi persona influences their play-along. A narrow conception of someone who is part of the âaudienceâ of research-âoutputsâ as âreadersâ technically means that the only viable option to âpassâ is reading. This suggest a full dependency on that which an author writes, and leaves little room for actual exploration; the âexperienceâ of engaging with learning-opportunities. Thus, I suggest â depending on individual Explorersâ strengths, preferences and situationally changing needs â to use e.g. the word-processing software through which they âreadâ my thesis exploratively: Tapping the âread aloudâ-function for âRobotâ-parts of the thesis alters the sensory affectedness and mode of engagement for Explorers. They are further activated in that I encourage detours into the online realm to literally follow Researcher-steps into Twitter or to listen to songs as an interruption to reading-dominated explorations. This hopefully adds to a sense of inclusion into the research, i.e. manifests ethnographic place-making for Explorers at the research âdisseminationâ-stage and makes my PhD project an element in peopleâs lived âexperienceâ from which they learn tacitly and âlevel upâ. The latter happens, importantly, as âequalsâ in knowing: Explorers are just as capable of (embodied) Learning as SWP and Researchers, and must also provide for their Bleed to be managed. Thus, the Explorerâs Companion â which is an element of the thesis-appendix and a gamified plot device that Explorers are handed at the Campaignâs beginning â comprises a section to go through a âde-roleâ and several units on emotional de-briefing, too.
Additionally, the entirety of the LARP as a âplayfulâ engagement mode targets pre-emptive Bleed-management: Since I have generated empirical experiential data on the traumatising side of doing research in an environment that is unpredictable, rife with a lack of sleep, aggression and violence, I sought to âprotect from harmâ those who were not equipped with the SWPâs experience to âdeal withâ lived realities of that kind. I, certainly, had not been prepared enough and thus let my creative persona Bleed-in to generate an arts-inspired, alluding LARP-thesis to enable Explorers their co-experience from a âsaferâ point of relation. Similarly, Explorersâ capacity to choose their engagement depth by modifying their âjourneyâ through the LARP-verse and the Campaignâs levels materialises their agency to individualise their experience and Knowing-outcomes. Thus, Explorers can gather extra Experience, i.e. âXPâ, by in-depth dives into theory, or they can jump ahead and leave out some of the methods if they feel like that would not contribute to their character-formation. These modifications nevertheless imply that all Explorers get âone storyâ out of the many possible stories to be told about what it means to be a âhuman SWPâ officer. All these narratives hinge critically on the SWP uniform as a âshared elementâ in all charactersâ experience â something which all can allude to from their variously embodied standpoints, and against the background of their multiple role-cards. The (Human) charactersâ relationship and capacity to relate is the key âboundary conditionâ for all to be able to play together, whilst a fundamental principle underlying the notion of play (as I propose and promote it) isâŠ
POINT SEVEN: Itâs FUN.
Although there might be something like an agreed-upon idea that PhDs have to âsuck it up and deal with itâ â which is echoing a sentiment SWP employ to get through their least favoured job duties â I do not think that self-doubt, imposter syndromes, pathological unhappiness with oneâs performance and the feeling of inferiority when compared with all those established big names in Academia (etc.) need to be the Status Quo of âperforming (well)â as a PhD candidate. Or, for that matter, as a Researcher at different XP-levels and in different quests for recognition. Instead, I believe that â despite the challenges, and the necessary steps to be taken â there can be an element of fun that colours the Research-experience; something that makes players appreciate the play as and for itself, whist also reaffirming their rightful claim to being one of the players: A player who is âacceptedâ and valued for a specific input to what is a necessarily interactive, co-dependent and forever-changing game-environment full of others who are, in their ways, âvulnerableâ and Human (unless, of course, they are Robots). And who might, despite what their role-card says, also just want to have funâŠ
CONCLUSION: Because (Maybe) there Has To Be One
This is not to suggest a free-for-all of going wild and making Research a utopic place of happiness as everyone pleases. I do not suggest to do away with all structuring rules and guidelines. After all, Researchers as a cohort need to be distinct from others (c.f. Bourdieu, 1984) â in ways that do not boil down to merely their costume (What do you mean, you didnât put your Researcher-hat on??).
However, the above seeks to suggest that there can be more improvisation; more personality and individual face-showing in how we Humans perform our professional roles. Thus, to put it into a catchy slogan â
âIf you can justify it: Try it!â
If you feel you want to explore how to do a PhD differently: Why not get feedback; why not âexpose yourselfâ (This is going to be misquoted so muchâŠ) and make yourself vulnerable to encounters that you cannot predict; have others react to your improvised performance without necessarily following protocol and guidelines but actually make them âreally listenâ and adjust to what it might mean to âbeâ a Researcher?
When it comes to getting feedback, try also to get inspired â and inspire in turn. It is a mutual play of iterative responses to each other, and usually there can be modification to established action-norms. However, whilst the âfunâ part is important, I would also like to âvoiceâ a word of caution: How you communicate should also be (pre-emptively) âresponsiveâ to whom you seek to engage with. My thesis is a LARP, because I want to playfully include a previously unrestricted variety of Explorers to âplay alongâ and partake in the ethnographic place-making that lies at the heart of the âdataâ and analysis of my PhD. Thus, I reach out to engage with academics and non-academics who might want to try out a more experiential, experimental pathway into research â including the themes around which my thesis revolves, but also the background insights into what it means to do research. For other audiences, like political stakeholders, a policy-advisory paper might still be a better choice of accomplishing the mission of âtelling a storyâ that finds resonance. (But who on Earth reads blogs, anyway? 😉)
You might pursue other goals with your PhD or research project, and thus wish to reach other interaction partners. Relative to who you want to play and be perceived as, as well as who your âalliesâ are, your performance requires flexible adaptivity to reach your goal. In a supportive environment of âequalsâ, who are âin this togetherâ, however, such a challenge should be yours to accomplish without losing a Life.
PS
Donât forget to de-brief and de-role, either. Every greater performer needs a break, sometimes â irrespective of what (professional) roles they (think they) have to perform 24/7.